Last week Todd and I flew to San Francisco. We had been praying about this trip for a while and felt that we needed to be there to encourage Linda. We had no idea all the while, God had a bigger more better plan, a much better plan. We got to our room late Wednesday night called Linda and planned to meet for breakfast and then go see Clay; the visiting times are at 10:00 a.m. and go every 2 hours. It was so good to see Linda, her smile made my heart jump; she has been on my mind every minute for the past couple of months. Her mom, Polly, is a character and I loved her right off. Clay’s mom Jeannie is a sweet, sweet lady and I am proud to call her my friend and new sister in Christ. As we walked through the hospital winding our way to the waiting room I got anxious and a little dizzy for what lay ahead. I held tight
to Todd’s hand, he is always steady, but this time he too seemed anxious. As we passed through to security and then to go into Clay’s room I got a knot in my throat the size of an orange. Where did all the air go? I thought to myself. Then as the doors opened and the sound of the machines beeping and the breathing machine making its special sound, I became aware of where I was. I won’t lie Clay’s looks had changed, a lot. He was smaller, frailer, no longer the “I’m in control” man he was just 30 days ago, but a man clinging to life with every breath that he was given………..by amachine, and all this orchestrated by our all sovereign, all merciful God, whose timing is never late. I chide myself from time to time when I wonder, “Why is this happening?” “Why did it take so long?” “What is God’s plan” when all the while His planned is unfolding before us. Everywhere we turn we are given the opportunity to share about what God has done in Clay’s life and in our own. People are excepting Christ as their personal Savior, People are trusting God and praying, and growing and witnessing that all He wants is for us to love him and to seek Him with our whole heart, and just to prove it He gave His son as payment for our Sins. My heart ached to encourage Clay’s mom Jeannie. I can’t even imagine what she is going through; watching her son lie in a bed so close to death. What a pleasure it was to be there and see God work in this woman’s life. I see that God is giving Linda all the Grace and Mercy for each step of this long long journey; has He promises us all he will, “Never leave us nor forsake us” in Hebrews 13:5 then on to Hebrews 13:6 it says “So we say with confidence, The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid what can mere mortals do to me?” Yup, I love it. As I stood and watched Clay’s breathing, his little twitches and flutters; a thought came to me that, this could be Todd recovering, this could be Todd laying in a bed healing from donating part of his liver to Clay…. I didn’t feel sick, I didn’t feel relieved that it wasn’t my husband, the feeling I
had was that confident, security that God said in his word…..For my thoughts
are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the LORD. “As
the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and
my thoughts than your thoughts.“ Isaiah 55:7-9, we were honored that God brought us into
this situation, we have shared, we have trusted, we have grown, and each minute
of each day since Todd said, “what do I need to do?” we have learned of God’s
all sovereign ways, to not only show Himself strong, but to show His mercy and grace. The story in
Genesis 2 of Abraham and Isaac comes to mind... Abraham and Sarah were promised by God that they would be parents, even though they were old. When Abram was ninety-nine God told him he would have a son. Sarah did conceive and
she did have a son, they named him Isaac. Isaac grew into a strong and healthy boy, and Abraham loved his son with all of his heart—and then some! One day, God called out, "Abraham!" "Here I am," said Abraham. "Abraham, I want you to take your only son Isaac—the one you love so dearly—up to the mountains, and there offer him to Me," said God. "I will show you where to go."
Abraham felt sad. He had waited so long for a son, and he didn't want to give
him away. But Abraham obeyed. Early the next morning, he rose and took his only son—the one he loved so dearly—up into the mountains. After three days, Abraham
finally reached the place God had told him about. "Father," said
Isaac, "we have fire and wood, but where is the lamb for our
offering?" "God will provide," said Abraham, with tears in his
eyes. And he began to carefully arrange the firewood on the altar. At last he
bound Isaac and laid him on top. "Stop!" cried a voice from heaven.
"Do not harm the boy. Now I know that you trust Me completely." Then Abraham saw a ram caught in a thicket. He and Isaac offered the ram to God. And Abraham named the mountain "God will provide." After everything Abraham
had been through, he knew that he had to obey God. Abraham knew that God gives
his best to those who are willing to give him their best. Just as Abraham was about
to plunge the knife into Isaac, the angel of the LORD stopped him. Abraham had
shown God that his faith was still in God. Everything that Abraham had belonged
to God ... even Isaac. God then provided a sacrificial lamb. Just as He did
when He gave His son as sacrifice for us. Consider the person in your life who is your most treasured gift. Maybe it is a child, like Isaac, or for me it is my Todd, and even though we were trusting God for each moment and we were ready and willing to fly out on March 30th to do the transplant on the 4th, God’s ways are higher and he provided the liver through the death of another. Not that the journey was for nothing, because He has used the last 6 months to draw people to Him, and we still have to take it moment by moment with Clay’s life, but that once again He showed himself strong in this everyday life.
My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete,
lacking nothing. If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of
God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for he who
doubts is like a wave of the sea driven and tossed by the wind.
For let not that man suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord;
he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways. Last week I had a really bad day, not your everyday really bad day, but a sharp, snaggily, venom filled bad day. I was sure after this incident that I was nothing but worthless scum, no wait what is lower than scum……..well whatever that was me, and I was sure of it. Well it is not true, it is not true of me and it is not true of anyone. That is just one of Satan’s lies he uses to pull me and you down, and he works through different people and situations to do it. I fall for his schemes from time to time like when I am tired or anxious. Yeah, I allow Satan’s attacks to beat me down and the only thing that can stop it is getting into the word, focusing on God, abiding in him presents. As a daughter of the King, I am worth everything, he cares about what I care about no matter how small. I am His. By casting out every thought unto the obedience of Jesus Christ and by His grace I was able to
stand up straight, forgive this person who wounded me and continue to press on toward the goal. I am so thankful for God’s unconditional Grace, Love and Mercy and that is what I must give to others, I do not hit it right on all the time, but he knows my heart and the intent thereof. So as I learn, grow and abide, I will count these trails and snares as Joy for the testing of my Faith produces fruit that can only come from abiding in God in this everyday life. 
Aren't they amazing, these tests and trails we are given? Yes, I said given. Handed to us for a chance to grow, mature, and strengthen our walk and relationship. This past week we had a heart breaker when Clay's MELD score rose to 26; 6 points above the level for a donor transplant. We were crushed and broken and it took us right to our knees looking to God for answers and peace and His will. It seemed like all Todd and I could do was pray and just be; do you know what I mean, When just being in the same room with each other is a comfort? It was only about 3 days but it seemed like 30. We petitioned all our prayer warriors to pray for God's will and the grace to endure each day for Clay, Linda, Todd and myself, and sure enough He showed Himself to be our Sovereign Lord and Clay's levels dropped; not just a slow steady decline, oh no, God dropped it 8 points!!! That's just the way He works. So here we are re-packed, re-scheduled and re-aligned; not that we had given up, we just thought it would be another week or two more before we headed to Stanford University Hospital. Even though we have not had the hard and fast direction of the Head Surgeon, we are prepared and waiting patiently, (ok, as patiently as I can) for the nod to load. I know that God's timing in this is the most crucial part, this journey from the start has been on God's terms, in God's time and in God's hands and Todd and I wouldn't have it any other way. This isn't just to refine Todd and Jackie and our daughters and Clay and Linda, but to all of the friends and families who are praying for us and all the people who we come in contact with; the people whose names we will never remember but heard the story of how God brought this all together. In His divine wisdom and Love, God brought two men back together that He may be glorified by the maturing of one's faith and the beginning of the other's. So we will just continue to take each day as it comes to us and praise the Lord for all of his grace, mercy and His precious unconditional love in the journey He has for this everyday life.
