Aren't they amazing, these tests and trails we are given? Yes, I said given. Handed to us for a chance to grow, mature, and strengthen our walk and relationship. This past week we had a heart breaker when Clay's MELD score rose to 26; 6 points above the level for a donor transplant. We were crushed and broken and it took us right to our knees looking to God for answers and peace and His will. It seemed like all Todd and I could do was pray and just be; do you know what I mean, When just being in the same room with each other is a comfort? It was only about 3 days but it seemed like 30. We petitioned all our prayer warriors to pray for God's will and the grace to endure each day for Clay, Linda, Todd and myself, and sure enough He showed Himself to be our Sovereign Lord and Clay's levels dropped; not just a slow steady decline, oh no, God dropped it 8 points!!! That's just the way He works. So here we are re-packed, re-scheduled and re-aligned; not that we had given up, we just thought it would be another week or two more before we headed to Stanford University Hospital. Even though we have not had the hard and fast direction of the Head Surgeon, we are prepared and waiting patiently, (ok, as patiently as I can) for the nod to load. I know that God's timing in this is the most crucial part, this journey from the start has been on God's terms, in God's time and in God's hands and Todd and I wouldn't have it any other way. This isn't just to refine Todd and Jackie and our daughters and Clay and Linda, but to all of the friends and families who are praying for us and all the people who we come in contact with; the people whose names we will never remember but heard the story of how God brought this all together. In His divine wisdom and Love, God brought two men back together that He may be glorified by the maturing of one's faith and the beginning of the other's. So we will just continue to take each day as it comes to us and praise the Lord for all of his grace, mercy and His precious unconditional love in the journey He has for this everyday life. 
A couple of days ago, I was watching my husband, from the kitchen window, he was trimming a horse and then moved on to feeding.
Watching him has always brought me great pleasure through the years; as he was with our precious daughters roping the dummy or working with a young horse or even just petting the dogs. He has such a way about him. His walk is his own and I could pick him out of a crowd of 100 easily, just by it. The way he swings a rope, his laugh and his smile, ooooooooh his smile, just seeing his face settles me. I can't help but thank God everyday for Todd and bringing us together so long ago - and for all the days in between then and now that has matured him into the spiritual leader for me and our aughters. He is slow to speak and quick to listen. He shares his testamony freely and is proud to do it. He speaks the truth in love and is not ashamed. He stands for God's truth no matter who may disagree. He is humble and soft spoken. Everything about him brings me strength to press on each day and to stand firm. As we travel on this journey God has brought so many people into our lives to share the love of Jesus with, which reassures me that God is in conrol and working in our everyday lives.
We all have experiences in our past that we wished had never happened, either because of someone or our own stupid actions. But now I am thankful for all the hard times, the ones from my past and the ones to come, God has, is and will use them to shape, mold and mature me to who he needs me to be. I know that this process takes a life time. I am His and nothing happens to me that He isn't aware of. I think back now on the years of our struggles, I mean you can't be married for almost 31 years without a few dark times. But I know now that God has used and is using them all, even the really really ugly ones, for my growth and His glory. Our past trials and blessings have taught me that I can Trust God for His best. I can trust him to provide for all my needs. I know He will..... I've seen him do it. But know this.......He knows my needs and your better than we do. I can see now that what I thought I needed and did not get........ was better to go without and wait on Him to provide what I really do needed. My needs tend to lean more toward physical needs and what He has in store for me usually is for my spiritual growth, and that is where I am wanting to be. I love His timing and watching his hand in my life and the lives of my family. Everything we have been through and are going through and will go through will bring us to where He wants us to be. He gives us opportunities to share and encourage other people, and in those moments that he uses me, I know that all my struggles, all my sleepless nights, and all my tears will be used to bring him Glory. Just to know that He can use me brings me joy - joy in this everyday life.
