When I am driving or waiting for an appointment and just have a few minutes to be still and think. I often think about the fact that God knows my every thought, good or bad, positive or negative, selfish or unselfish. To be honest I used to not have the most positive thoughts. Like if I would get frustrated with something or someone, I struggled with the self-control to not let these thoughts frustrate me. In turn these negative thoughts would sour my words with negativity. God's word tells me that the over flow of the heart the mouth speaks, Matthew 12:34.God knows my heart he knows the intent of it. I thought about this for a long time and knew that if I sincerely want to be a light I have to control my thoughts, when I have a bad thought I have to turn it over to the Lord and focus on the unconditional love he shows me and that I must show others. I can hate the sin but love the sinner through Christ. I pray that God will make me mindful of my thoughts and rather they were uplifting and encouraging. So I am more aware of what is on my mind these days. Are you aware of what you are thinking? When something or someone wrongs you do you have bitterness? Make it your goal each day, as we all should, to have good encouraging thoughts that build up rather than tear down. Pray that you will be convicted if you start to have ugly thoughts that don't glorify God. Rest assured that every time we do what is right even though it feels wrong we are growing and that is where we need to be in our everyday lives.
Today was one the Biggest and
Best Hallelujah days ever!
Celebrating our Risen Savior! What
a wonderful day indeed. But now God added a second chance
for our friend Clay, yes Clay got the call for a new liver last night and went
to surgery early this morning. Yeah, that’s just the way our God works, the
impossible is possible for Him and just cause He can, His timing for this event
was Easter! Oh how I love to watch God work,
this will be a testimony to everyone as to who is really in control. I love the season and the fact
that everything I think of reminds me our “New Beginnings” “New Life” I get a lump in my throat
just saying those words….. Master, Savior, Jesus………….There’s
just something about that name! Remember that old song? So I Praise His Holy Name and hope
that everyone really concentrate on the meaning of New Life and what the Cross
means to us. Not a Lucky Charm, it is our “ Ebenezar” which in Hebrew means “Stone of
the Help.” So today and every day I will
sing praises to my Ebenezar and celebrate His finished work on Calvary and the
continual work in me and Shout Hallelujah in this everyday life.
My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete,
lacking nothing. If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of
God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for he who
doubts is like a wave of the sea driven and tossed by the wind.
For let not that man suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord;
he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways. Last week I had a really bad day, not your everyday really bad day, but a sharp, snaggily, venom filled bad day. I was sure after this incident that I was nothing but worthless scum, no wait what is lower than scum……..well whatever that was me, and I was sure of it. Well it is not true, it is not true of me and it is not true of anyone. That is just one of Satan’s lies he uses to pull me and you down, and he works through different people and situations to do it. I fall for his schemes from time to time like when I am tired or anxious. Yeah, I allow Satan’s attacks to beat me down and the only thing that can stop it is getting into the word, focusing on God, abiding in him presents. As a daughter of the King, I am worth everything, he cares about what I care about no matter how small. I am His. By casting out every thought unto the obedience of Jesus Christ and by His grace I was able to
stand up straight, forgive this person who wounded me and continue to press on toward the goal. I am so thankful for God’s unconditional Grace, Love and Mercy and that is what I must give to others, I do not hit it right on all the time, but he knows my heart and the intent thereof. So as I learn, grow and abide, I will count these trails and snares as Joy for the testing of my Faith produces fruit that can only come from abiding in God in this everyday life.
Aren't they amazing, these tests and trails we are given? Yes, I said given. Handed to us for a chance to grow, mature, and strengthen our walk and relationship. This past week we had a heart breaker when Clay's MELD score rose to 26; 6 points above the level for a donor transplant. We were crushed and broken and it took us right to our knees looking to God for answers and peace and His will. It seemed like all Todd and I could do was pray and just be; do you know what I mean, When just being in the same room with each other is a comfort? It was only about 3 days but it seemed like 30. We petitioned all our prayer warriors to pray for God's will and the grace to endure each day for Clay, Linda, Todd and myself, and sure enough He showed Himself to be our Sovereign Lord and Clay's levels dropped; not just a slow steady decline, oh no, God dropped it 8 points!!! That's just the way He works. So here we are re-packed, re-scheduled and re-aligned; not that we had given up, we just thought it would be another week or two more before we headed to Stanford University Hospital. Even though we have not had the hard and fast direction of the Head Surgeon, we are prepared and waiting patiently, (ok, as patiently as I can) for the nod to load. I know that God's timing in this is the most crucial part, this journey from the start has been on God's terms, in God's time and in God's hands and Todd and I wouldn't have it any other way. This isn't just to refine Todd and Jackie and our daughters and Clay and Linda, but to all of the friends and families who are praying for us and all the people who we come in contact with; the people whose names we will never remember but heard the story of how God brought this all together. In His divine wisdom and Love, God brought two men back together that He may be glorified by the maturing of one's faith and the beginning of the other's. So we will just continue to take each day as it comes to us and praise the Lord for all of his grace, mercy and His precious unconditional love in the journey He has for this everyday life.
A couple of days ago, I was watching my husband, from the kitchen window, he was trimming a horse and then moved on to feeding.
Watching him has always brought me great pleasure through the years; as he was with our precious daughters roping the dummy or working with a young horse or even just petting the dogs. He has such a way about him. His walk is his own and I could pick him out of a crowd of 100 easily, just by it. The way he swings a rope, his laugh and his smile, ooooooooh his smile, just seeing his face settles me. I can't help but thank God everyday for Todd and bringing us together so long ago - and for all the days in between then and now that has matured him into the spiritual leader for me and our aughters. He is slow to speak and quick to listen. He shares his testamony freely and is proud to do it. He speaks the truth in love and is not ashamed. He stands for God's truth no matter who may disagree. He is humble and soft spoken. Everything about him brings me strength to press on each day and to stand firm. As we travel on this journey God has brought so many people into our lives to share the love of Jesus with, which reassures me that God is in conrol and working in our everyday lives.
We all have experiences in our past that we wished had never happened, either because of someone or our own stupid actions. But now I am thankful for all the hard times, the ones from my past and the ones to come, God has, is and will use them to shape, mold and mature me to who he needs me to be. I know that this process takes a life time. I am His and nothing happens to me that He isn't aware of. I think back now on the years of our struggles, I mean you can't be married for almost 31 years without a few dark times. But I know now that God has used and is using them all, even the really really ugly ones, for my growth and His glory. Our past trials and blessings have taught me that I can Trust God for His best. I can trust him to provide for all my needs. I know He will..... I've seen him do it. But know this.......He knows my needs and your better than we do. I can see now that what I thought I needed and did not get........ was better to go without and wait on Him to provide what I really do needed. My needs tend to lean more toward physical needs and what He has in store for me usually is for my spiritual growth, and that is where I am wanting to be. I love His timing and watching his hand in my life and the lives of my family. Everything we have been through and are going through and will go through will bring us to where He wants us to be. He gives us opportunities to share and encourage other people, and in those moments that he uses me, I know that all my struggles, all my sleepless nights, and all my tears will be used to bring him Glory. Just to know that He can use me brings me joy - joy in this everyday life.
