"FIXIN THINGS"

Proverbs 3:5 & 6

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.

The past 4 years have been hard ones for our family, the past 40 days have been a battle and the past 10 have been like something like no other. Each day I have had to constantly rein myself in from wanting to fix things, and when I say fix, I don’t mean the fix where you explain to someone what they have done wrong and they say sorry and ta-da it is all good, no I get to where I want to tie up a leg, like you do on a colt, and really FIX this person, if you know what I mean.

It is a hard thing for me to surrender daily, maybe not you, but I sometimes want to run ahead. (for those of you who don’t think or won’t admit to having any spiritual struggles at all, you probably wont understand this.) But Proverbs 3:5 & 6 is what I cling to and claim as my own.
I am honest enough to admit that I do struggle, but I know that – that only shows me I cannot exist a minute without my Lord. I have heard, from time to time, people make comments like:
“If you were a good Christian you wouldn’t be depressed”, or “If you were a good Christian you wouldn’t worry.” I pray that I never get to the place where I think I am so close to perfection that I will freely judge others and if I do, Father forgive me.

Yesterday was one of those really hard days, you know when satan outdoes himself? Things were coming at our youngest daughter like bb’s from a shotgun, (you know what I mean Bubuh?,) now mind you I have come a long ways from where I was, but I really wanted to seek and destroy this feller, but then I would be no different than him. I hit my knees, in my mind, and said Lord this really hurts and I am wanting to FIX him, but I am trusting you Lord, calm my heart and give me grace. Even though this guy will never be like son to me again, I am not going to hate him; That would too much energy wasted, instead I prayed that God will do whatever it takes to bring this boy back to him. I decided to press on through this anger and instead lift my daughter and granddaughter up and ask the Lord to give us all His Grace for each day through this storm. And that our daughter will stand strong in her decision to put her God, her daughter and herself as her first priority and press on, seeking God's face.